Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

- Joshua 1:9

“Go upstairs and get dressed, Elijah.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Why do you want me to come with you?”

“Because I’m too scared of the dark.”

He’s been saying this to me for almost a year now.  There are two night lights in his room and a list of “Fear-Fighting” Bible verses taped to his wall.  We pray for no bad dreams every night before bed.  He used to crawl into our bed in the middle of the night – so cute and cuddly.  Now he’s too scared to leave his room until the light starts to peek through his window shade in the morning.  My husband thinks it’s great that he’s broken the habit of these middle-of-the-night visits, but really he’s just replaced the old habit with a new habit of fear.  Besides, I miss those snuggle visits!  Elijah is six now, so I know the mid-night snuggles had to end eventually, but what to do about all this fear that’s crept into his life?  The way he cowers at the darkness, the terrified look in his eyes – what’s a mother to do?

I see myself in his cowering stance and his big, blue eyes full of fear.  I ask my friends for advice.  I ask myself, ‘How does God handle me when I’m afraid?’  I think back to the way God held my hand through the darkness of loneliness when I was single and lived far from family, the darkness of grief when our Caleb was stillborn, and the darkness of confusion when my dreams and plans seemed to disappear.

I’m scared of the dark too.  I don’t like it one bit.  I want to help my sweet boy overcome his fears and be able to move freely through the home God has given him.

I tell Elijah this house is safe, that there’s even Bible verses stapled in the walls.  I tell him no monsters or ghosts are allowed in this house, only God’s angels are allowed.  I remind him that he is God’s warrior and needs to put on his armour of God.  He just keeps looking at me with those bright blue sparkles of innocence.

I pray a silent prayer for wisdom and have a moment of inspiration.  I tell Elijah to grab his flashlight and I tell him to use the light to make the darkness disappear.  The light will show the way.  That should make him brave, strong, and courageous.  That should take away the terror and the discouragement of fear.

He grabs his flashlight and fixes those beautiful eyes on me once again.  “Will you come with me, Mommy?”

“But you have your flashlight to take away the darkness.  You try to go by yourself now.”

“No.  I’m still too scared.  Please come with me.”

I think back to my Heavenly Father and the many times He held my hand in the darkness.  I take Elijah’s hand and his flashlight guides our path up the stairs to turn on more lights, bigger lights, stronger lights.  Lights that drown out all the darkness.  Then my son tells me he’s OK now.

I come back downstairs  to pack lunches for school.  I think about how my presence, and a little light, make all the difference for my son.  He can deal with the fear when he knows someone is beside him, when he can see a little light, then more light, and even more light until the darkness is gone.  The light and the presence give him strength and courage to face the fear.

For now, I can hold his hand and keep encouraging him in his struggle with the darkness.  There will come a time when he’ll need to walk the path alone, with no hand to hold and no flashlight to shine, trusting in the Presence and Light within.  The same Presence and Light that promises to be with us wherever we go.

“Fear-Fighting” Verses

• Joshua 1:9
• Psalm 23:4
• Psalm 27:1
• Psalm 34:4
• Psalm 56:3-4
• Psalm 91:4-6
• Isaiah 41:13

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Last year my words for the year were BOLD and CONFIDENT.  And it was quite a year living in this new state of boldness and confidence.  People really noticed – this new side of Anna – more sure of herself.

In 2011 I asked God for a clear vision of what He wanted from my life, what He wanted to fill the spaces that were left when my sons spent their days in school.  He reminded me that first comes Him, He longs for time with me, spending all these days He’s given me with Him, sharing everything – the tiny details, the big dreams and everything in between.  After that must always come husband and sons.  They are enough.  If all I ever did was provide a warm and welcoming home for these men of mine, a place for solace and entering into God’s presence – that would be enough.  Always.  And God brought me back to those basics and allowed me time to get used to the idea of it, of living such a simple, focused life.  It was refreshing, so needed, a breath of sweet clarity.

Then I asked if there was more - what about the writing, where does it fit in?  What about the desire to teach the children, not just my own, to pour into the next generation?  What about the longing to finish up my schooling?  What about missions?  I hammered him with questions that needed answers once and for all.  I needed to put so much to rest.  One by one He helped me let go of the things that were not from Him, that had no place in my life, at least not for now.  And there are so many things He kept in my life – there is always more than enough to do.

First and foremost, always, is teaching my children – more of Him, more of life, more of service, more of character – all these things I must learn first for myself – not easy, but so necessary – before I can pass them along to my children.  So we learn – together.  I look into schools and courses and online learning and how long would it take, what will they transfer in from the 5 post-secondary schools I’ve already attended (a symptom of never being quite sure of what I was doing!).  All the while, feeling this growing sense of confidence that YES, there is great peace boiling over in me about finishing my university degree!  And YES there is still a longing to go on to Teacher’s College – but the details I leave with God, for the closest school that offers that one year of training I’d need beyond my Bachelor’s is an hour and a half drive – one way – away from my home and my family.

Confidence grows in wanting to pay for as much of the schooling as I can as I go, so no huge debt at the end.  So I ask God for a job that fits with our family.  He provides a bookstore job – perfect for me – with wonderful people to work for.  A part-time job that I love.

Boldness comes as I learn to express what I need to be the person God is leading me to become.   Trying to never be demanding, just asking, letting others bless me – not easy because I love to be the one to do the blessing – God gives me many opportunities to keep on doing just that.  Letting others in – starting with husband and children – giving over control, sharing the load, recognizing it should have been this way all along, equipping boys to be men as they learn more chores, trying their unique ideas for solutions to problems, becoming more of a family in that instead of one woman trying to do it all and getting VERY tired in the midst of it.

First missions trip happened in 2011 – a dream since I was little.  And I went with my hubby – AMAZING.  I am changed, and thankfully so, and boldness and confidence comes from staring to know my place in the global family.  Hopefully many more missions coming, hopefully taking sons, hopefully finding our place around the world in whatever ways God asks us to serve.

And the writing will stay, can’t help but stay – not really a question of it staying or leaving, just the amount of time I can give to it.  It will be less for a while, but it will never leave.  I am confident and sure of that.  I ask God to use the words as He will because there will be less of them for a time while school takes the forefront.

I registered for 5 classes, started yesterday, and I’m feeling great about it.

Sons are now awake, the day begins before I’m ready, but I wanted to share my word for this year…. it’s been brewing in me and I know it’s the one….

FREE.

Free to be all I’m meant, all we’re meant, free from fear, free from lack, free from… so much that I can’t even name yet.

We are all free in Christ – even when life is hard and twisted and painful – we are still free.  Easier to feel it when all is right and good and lovely, but freedom exists in any circumstance.  And I’m so excited to learn that this year – 2012.

May it be your best one yet.

Blessings!

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. – 2 Corinthians 4:16

There’s a calendar that hangs on my wall. It’s a special calendar, not like the others. The other calendars are full – one full of appointments and family commitments, another full of faith-at-home ideas and plans, an online calendar that reminds me of birthdays, anniversaries and holidays, and a fridge calendar full of menu plan ideas for feeding my family. But this one calendar that hangs on my wall is different. It’s totally, absolutely, completely… empty. Blank.

I printed out a year’s worth of dates by their months and taped them together to make a year-at-a-glance. A year of nothing. You might be wondering, ‘What craziness, what madness, what strange new teaching is this?’ Quite honestly, I’d had enough. I was up to here with lying down to rest at the end of each day and only feeling a melancholy passing of time. I would weigh my efforts and actions each day and constantly come up short – with myself, my wifing, my mothering, my housekeeping, my christianity – all of it. Never good enough. I was most definitely losing heart.

I would subconsciously hear the relentless tick tock, tick tock, tick tock of the time I had with this life, this marriage, this motherhood, and this sharing of the gospel. The ticking and tocking chased me to bed each night and woke me with a start each morning.

I looked in the mirror one day and took a really long look at myself. I saw what only my human eyes could see – the emergence of gray/white hairs, the increasingly more prominent wrinkles around my eyes and forehead, the waistline no longer visible after 3 big baby boys and years of neglect. Needless to say, I didn’t like what I was seeing.

Then I asked God to please, please, please show me who I was in His eyes. One by one He showed me, blessed me, overwhelmed me with the beautiful things He saw when He looked at me. The mirror faded away and it was just me and my Maker, telling me who He made me to be. The blue eyes that can’t help but see the beauty in His creation. The long hair that my husband loves and my sons once twirled as they drifted into baby-sleep, each strand that God brushes and messes at will with His wind. The wrinkles that speak of decades of play and laughter. Frown lines that tell of occasional pain that He brought me through, pain that helped me trust Him more and made me more confident in His love and care for me. The waistline that is simply part of a still-very-healthy body that has the ability to enjoy life through all kinds of movement.

Everything changed in those moments, and suddenly I knew. When I look at time, at each day I’m given through my earthly eyes, there will aways be lack. But when I gave my life to Christ I also gave Him my time. It is His, my days are His.

The ticking and tocking no longer chase me to bed, instead they lull me to sleep. They no longer wake me with a start, instead they gently rouse me to get going on a new day. I never know quite what the days will bring. They are His days. The tick tock is His way of reminding me that He’s got things for me to do. Gone are the nights full of despair or the days full of drudgery. I still have to live out the appointments, commitments, plans, meal prep and special days on my calendars, but the one that hangs blank on my wall – that calendar is for God to fill however He wants. There is freedom, life abundant and countless blessings waiting on that calendar and I trust He will show them to me in his time and in His purpose.

May I be open to all You have for me Lord, always leaving room for You in each of my days.

How To Renew Day By Day:

• Leave extra room in your calendar and ask God how He wants to fill it
• Spend time with God and just listen to Him speak to your heart
• Look for God in the simple, timeless things of life
• Give God everything that makes you lose heart

This year I hope to keep going with reading a portion of scripture in my own quiet time, then sharing a similar story (or as close to it as I can get) from the Upper Room Children’s Bible Stories book.  I’m just using resources I have on hand.  Last year we started out by using the One Year Children’s Bible, and that was a good book as well.  I’m going for something with stories that are a little shorter this year – because mornings are crazy in our house, because I want to encourage the boys to read the stories instead of me or Josh, and because I want to spend a minute looking up the story in the Bible and getting the boys used to the different books of the Bible.

Here is the first few months (January to May) of my Bible Reading Plan 2012.

This gets us through a few books of the Old Testament and all of the New Testament.

I will post more about Lent as it gets closer, and the rest of the plan closer to June.

I am still very focused on the Shema – Deuteronomy 6:5-9.  I’m especially thinking about the passage in verse 7:  ”Impress [God's commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  I hope to spend a few minutes in the mornings learning God’s word and which words are in which books of the Bible.  Then before bed, coming together again as a family and reading a life-application devotional story together.  These along with prayer, and hopefully scripture memorization.  And I’m always aware these days of the “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road” aspect as well – faith, God, Bible – all a part of our lives as we live them out.  Not just isolated conversations at home around the table, but conversations that break out of the plan, spontaneous, free – just learning and talking about God together – wherever, whenever.

Blessings on you as this new year begins – may it be such a GOOD one in Him!

Luke 2:7 (KJV)

I get tears in my eyes.  Every Christmas.  I get so sad.  I’m sorry, but I do.  It’s a new thing – just been happening the last couple of years.  I’m not trying to be a stick-in-the-mud, I’m not trying to dampen anyone’s Christmas spirits.  Those who know me know how much I LOVE Christmas.  As soon as I found out about Advent and discovered ways we could celebrate Christmas even longer (beginning in November!),  I was a happy camper indeed.  That meant putting up the decorations even earlier (!) if I wanted them up in time for Advent!

But the last couple of years, I can’t shake it.  Every December when I have to go do any kind of shopping, there are tears, sadness, loneliness.

I don’t like shopping much to begin with, and definitely not in the craziness of the stores at Christmas, but as I think back to a few years ago, at least then I used to love the decorations (still lots of nativity items back in the day) and songs (still mostly traditional Christmas hymns way back when).

It’s just so different now.  I find myself hunting for anything resembling that first Christmas, anything remotely looking like a nativity scene.  I snatched up a gift box that I didn’t need today, just because of the manger scene painted on it – beautiful.  But that really was all I could find.

And I miss Him.  So much.  It’s His birthday and why can’t we just celebrate it?  I would hate it if someone forgot my birthday.  I would feel horrible.  And I think that’s what makes me so sad.  People are forgetting His birthday.  Yes, there’s lights and decorations and gifts and music and concerts and parties – but honestly, getting really honest here – He’s usually not invited.  I imagine how I’d feel if no one invited me to my own party.  And if they invited someone else and it wasn’t even their birthday.  I would feel so unloved and rejected.  And I think it just breaks my heart to think of Jesus feeling like that.  My Messiah – He didn’t get the invite.

Yep, here come the tears, I’ve hit the nail on the head.  I am so thankful that typing out words helps me process life. 

Thank You God for the gift of words and how they help me so much to live out this life You’ve given me.

Jesus, I invite You to Your party this year, to this celebration of You.  This Christmas, please enjoy every song with us, see Your children’s faces as we share gifts.  What do You want for Christmas?  Ah yes, You want us to love You and love one another.  Simple as that.  Let Your love reign supreme in everything we do this year and every year to celebrate Your birth. 

It’s Your birthday.  Happy Birthday Jesus.  Let us make room in our hearts, our homes, our holidays, always, for You.  May there ALWAYS be room for You.  Help us not to leave You out in the manger anymore.  Have the nicest rooms in our lives.  Make Yourself at home in us.

I love You, Anna. 

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with this blog of mine.

Should I share alot of our family life?  Should I keep it more private and just jot down memories in our journals?

Should I share alot about my faith?  Faith is just another part of me, the biggest part of me.  And if this blog is truly mine, then faith will flow through it just like it flows through me.  I want the whole world to know the words that God is writing into my life, the words He seems to ask me to share whenever I have a spare minute.  Sometimes when I don’t have a spare minute.  The words He gives never stop.  If only I had a keyboard in my mind that could type out the words and share them when they are fresh.  So many words get lost because there just isn’t enough time, isn’t enough of me.  Always He gives to overflowing.  Always He is so generous.  I can hardly keep up most days.

Should I write about practical things that help me in family life?  In passing along faith to children?

Should I share my plans with you, even when they fail, because inevitably we all fail sometimes?

Maybe I’ll just type what I can, when I can, sharing a bit of this and a bit of that.  I’ll try not to be freaked out by random comments that come along to unnerve an already-so-nervous sometimes woman.  I’ll try to just… keep… going.  So often that’s been my motto lately.

So please feel free to dive into the sort of posts that you love, and skip over the ones you don’t.

This is just me, laying it out there, finding it hard to feel so vulnerable sometimes, yet being called to be always-more-transparent with this life, these days that are given to me.

Blessings on you today and every day!

Today I’m going to throw out a few posts about service projects we’ve done in our family the last couple of months.  It’s been a wonderful time of connecting with each other and our world.  Reaching out, trying new things – I’ve really enjoyed it.  There is such a “filling up” that happens when we serve others. 

And right now, yes, I plan out ways we can serve.  But this is just to make sure we develop the habits.  It is truly hard to develop some habits – especially ones that make us step outside our comfort zones, that take time out of our already-busy schedules, and that use up our energy and resources.

It’s so worth it – the things we give up, the time we spend – it’s so worth it.

My hope is that one day service will be so much a part of us, that no schedule need be done, it just happens.

My husband has run a food drive every Halloween since I’ve known him.  He started Trick or Treat for Hope with his youth group way back, and has carried on the tradition wherever he’s been.  Many versions and variations of this event have popped over the years, and many of the major organizations like Free the Children have picked up on the idea in one way or another.

Every year at our church, youth from our congregation, their friends, and other youth  from around the city gather to go out and take part in a different kind of trick or treating.  They collect non-perishable food items for the local food bank, then the food bank truck comes and loads up at the end of the night.  Groups compete to see who brings in the most pounds of food per person.  It’s all good fun.

Last year, Amy challenged me to involve our children.  Sometimes she challenges me like that, and I’m grateful for the push I need at times, and the support she gives.

It went really well last year and our children collected a couple of wagon-loads of food, as well as tons of treats for their treat bags!

This year we tried again, and half-filled a grocery cart! 

The kids really enjoyed this – they are getting very bold in asking people to donate as they were giving them candy.  Most people responded in a very positive way, some didn’t want to participate but were still very friendly, and we just had a great time!

After an hour or so, the kids (and us) were getting tired… and it was time to wrap up this Halloween night, drop our collected items back at the church, and call it a very successful night!

We received a letter from World Vision that asked us to sign a Christmas card for our sponsored child, Saowalak – in Thailand.

I asked the boys to sign their names, and Elijah went off to grab his wallet after he was done.   The boys get an allowance every week and we’re trying to teach them good money management skills – so far really good.

Elijah started counting money out of his wallet.  I asked him what he was doing, and he said he wanted to give Saowalak some money so she’s not so poor anymore.

I love it when it just flows freely from us, you know?  That desire to serve, to reach out – I think it’s growing in us – the certainty that we CAN make a difference.  With whatever we have, whatever we can share – with people as close as next door or around the globe. 

Such hope in this small act of Elijah’s – not so small in God’s eyes, and not so small in mine.

We wrote her a letter the day after Remembrance Day.  We sat down at the computer, visited the Voice of the Martyrs site and picked a country.  We chose China because my younger son’s best friend lives there.  They haven’t seen each other for almost a year, but the love is strong as ever.  Elijah reminds me of that, and how he really wants to visit there as soon as possible.  I’m in total agreement, and we leave it with God.

The website lets us pick from a few verses or sentences to send to the young woman in China who has spent much of her life in prison, because of her faith.  We each pick a sentence.  The words are already translated into her language, and we just have to print it all out.

We include a card that tells her she is not alone, though she may feel that way.

We all sign the card.

We include a couple of family photos and some more encouraging verses with wonderful pictures.

We seal up our words and our encouragement in a big green envelope.  A couple of days later we mail it.

We hope the words find her well, in good spirits, and knowing she is loved by her Lord.

Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed on His name, He gave the right to become children of God.  – John 1:12 

Daddy, I need a hug.  It’s been one of those days that left me exhausted, confused, frustrated and lonely.  I shut out all the people I love – AGAIN.  I was grumpy.  I was mean.  I was anything but Proverbs 31.  Forgive me.

Come here child, I still love you.  I always will.  Today was good; it stretched you, your heart grew a little more and in the end you filled it with love.  And you filled your family’s hearts with love.  Remember that part of the day, learn from the rest and forget about it.  I already have.

Daddy, can I have some money?  The bills keep coming and there are extras this month and the budget is already spent.  We’re trying our best to use the money You give us wisely and we’re giving money to the church and we’re not buying things we don’t need.  But there just doesn’t seem to be enough right now.

Here child, never doubt my provision, you bless me by your wisdom in spending and giving.  You are doing well and I see that.  Well done.

Daddy, I need a band aid.  It’s not for me, it’s for my friend.  She’s hurt.  Real bad.  She has cancer, Dad, and she has children and a wonderful husband and I don’t know how I can help.  But I know You can help.  Will You?

Oh child, I see your hurt.  I see your friend’s hurt.  I will heal her.  It may not be in the way you hope for, but I am with her and her family.  I am working out my will for them all.  One day you will see how I will make everything better and there will be no more hurt.

Daddy, tell me a story.  I love Your stories, and You tell them so well.

Yes, child.  I’ve written many stories for you.  Every person you meet is one of my stories.  You have to take the time to stop and read them.  They tell of my love and adventure, sadness and joy.  They tell of heroes and battles and romance.  They tell of bravery and courage.  They tell of your family.  And there are many stories written for you and for all your brothers and sisters to read in My Book.  Read them together, tell each other my stories.

Daddy, thank You for Jesus.  I love Him so much.  I learn so much about Him as I read Your Big Book, the Bible.  I just love that book.  I love the stories, the people, and especially the happy ending.  I want Jesus with me all the time, I know He died for me and I believe everything I read about Him in the Bible.  The part I like best is when I read about living with You in heaven one day.  I can’t wait for that! 

Dear child, I can’t wait for that day either.  I can call you child because of Jesus, because you believe in Him, because you want Him in your life.  You can come to me with all your happy times, your sad times and everything in between.  I am always here for you.  Never forget that.  My arms are open wide to you – any time, any place.  Just keep calling to me.  I am so happy to be your daddy.  If only you could see how much you bless me, just by being you.  One day you’ll see.  That day is coming soon.  For now, know I love you more than you can imagine, beautiful child, beautiful daughter of mine.

Sidebar:

How Do You Become a Child of God?

Admit that you need God’s forgiveness from the sins in your life.

Believe that Jesus is God’s Son, that He died on the cross for you and rose to life again to free you from death and from your sins.

Commit your life to Jesus.  Make a decision to follow Him.  Tell others about it!

How Do You Live as a Child of God?

Read the Bible

Pray

Find a good church

Accept christian friends into your life

Help others